Conversation With a Seven-Year-Old

I had a conversation with one of Girl1’s friends this afternoon. It went like this:

BOY: Tomorrow’s Hanukkah

ME: I think you’re right.

BOY: Do you celebrate Hanukkah?

ME: No. Do you?

BOY: What’s Hanukkah?

Umm…I’m thinkin’ the answer to my question is no, then…

ME: It’s a Jewish holiday.

BOY: What’s Jewish?

ME: It’s a kind of religion. Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah.

BOY: Are you Jewish?

ME: No. Are you?

BOY: No. I was born in Calgary.

ME: Oh! Well, Jewish people are born all over the world-

BOY: Even in Calgary?

ME: Yes. All over the world. But if you don’t celebrate Hanukkah, do you celebrate Christmas?

BOY: Yup!

ME: Then maybe you’re Christian.

BOY: What’s Christian?

ME: A kind of religion.

BOY: How do you know if you are one?

ME: Uhhh…well, do you go to a church?

BOY: No. [pause] I went to Bible camp, though.

ME: [lightbulb] Well, then. Did they talk about Jesus?

BOY: Yes! They talked about how he defeated the bad guys and he did all these things and he lived on earth and…there were these other guys and…

At that point his description tailed off. I felt confident concluding that since he went to a Bible camp that featured Jesus’ exploits, he’s probably not Jewish.

And then I thought, “Wow, this is what happens when people don’t think about their children’s religious awareness.”

And I imagined this conversation:

BOY’S MOM: Honey, I think we should send Boy to camp this summer.

BOY’S DAD: Sure. What kind of camp?

BOY’S MOM: I dunno. Soccer camp? Computer camp? Bible camp?

BOY’S DAD: Ummm…whatever’s cheapest.

BOY’S MOM: Perfect! Bible camp it is then.

And you know the Bible camps are dirt cheap, too. They’re like, $40 per week, versus upwards of $180 per week for a quality outdoor or sports or arts-related camp.

But what also struck me about the conversation was the little boy’s image of Jesus that he got from the Bible camp. It’s like Jesus-as-superhero rhetoric. Of course, I had to google “jesus superhero” and the stuff is literally everywhere. Obviously someone else thought of this motif before the local Bible camp. Check these out!

And, my personal favourite: Jesus as “easy button”.

Not being religious at all, I find this kind of stuff funny and yet sad. I mean, if you are going to expose your children to religious education, you should at least debrief them afterwards. Here’s a kid who went to Bible camp, but doesn’t know what a Christian is.

And for comparison’s sake, here are the answers of the seven-year-old child of an atheist:

ME: Do you know what Hanukkah is?

GIRL1: It’s a festival of lights. It’s a festival for Jewish people.

ME: Do you know what Christmas is?

GIRL1: It’s celebrating from when Jesus was born. It’s a festival for Christian people.

See? Awareness. Not blind indoctrination, just honest awareness.

And. And. AND!

The Bible camp in question, while obviously trying to appeal to the sensibilities of young boys with their doctrine of “jesus-as-superhero”, has done them all a disservice. If anybody needed a lesson in (what I believe to be) the most laudable lessons of Jesus — those being mercy, forgiveness, and (what a cool word) lovingkindness — it’s young boys! Setting Jesus up as some kind of archaic badass-kicking villain destroyer only creates more of the kind of people who see religion as a kind of easy button answer to all their problems.

Forget rational thought, treating other people well and solving your own problems. Press that easy button!